And now I'm going to join this "Midweek Confessions" train...
- I sometimes think that I'm a bad "housewife." I don't like to cook (Erik does most of that for us), I hate to go grocery shopping, I'm awful at finding deals when shopping (I guess that's not so much a housewife thing...), and I've really fallen behind on cleaning. I try to get things done when Jacob naps, but lately I've had no desire to do much more than sit on the couch and read other mom blogs.
- I feel like I have an unhappy baby. Yes, he gives smiles and giggles and "talks" to me periodically, but I feel like he is unhappy more often than not. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I just notice his unhappy periods more than I'd like.
- It is very hard for me to love my baby when he is unhappy. Don't get me wrong -- I absolutely ADORE my child and actually love him more than anything in the world. But when he is screeching at the top of his lungs and is inconsolable, it is very difficult to love him. And then then when he settles himself down and is a sweet little boy again, I feel SO SO SO guilty for having been unhappy.
- Sometimes, I'm afraid I love my baby too much. Does that make sense? Maybe it's just the new mom in me. I read these stories about people losing their children, sometimes when they're still babies, and I just can't fathom such a loss. I know I would be devasted. I don't know how I would cope. I try to put these thoughts behind me but I still fret over the smallest things with Jacob.
- I want pizza. I can never get enough of the stuff. Maybe it's because we don't have it very often.
- I wish I were stylish. I feel so frumpish instead.
That's all for today.
Wow I could have written all of these confessions!!
ReplyDeleteMy middle child was grumpy from age 1 to age 3.
I know exactly what you mean about being hard to love sometimes and then feeling guilty.
It's every mothers worst nightmare to lose a child and I think it's natural to worry about it.
Pizza? Yes please!!!
Stylish? I wish!
I feel ya on the screaming baby thing. One day I was so over Luke's screaming as I attempted to feed him in his high chair that I took a (clean) dish towel and just tossed it over his head in attempt to get him to stop. (What did I think he was, a bird?!) Anyways, he decided it was the best game of peek-a-boo in the world and I immediately felt terrible. straight TURRIBLE. so is motherhood.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteWhen of the most difficult lessons to learn as a mom is that it is OKAY not to like your children. Yes, you love your children but it is okay not like them. Believe me there are many moments when you look at them and think, "Oh, I really just don't like you right now. Is this really worth it?" Those thoughts mean you are doing your job because your job as a mother is not easy. When you as a parent are frustrated and tired, it is because you are paying attention and you are caring for your children. You are doing the best you can for your children and sometimes it is exhausting. Try not to analyze everything - I know it is hard - but try not to - Don't worry about the cleaning and the cooking - you have a little one to take care of and when he is sleeping you need to take care of yourself - if that means reading other mom blogs then by all means do that. You'll be a better mom if you are happy.
ReplyDeleteI am the mother of 4 small children (and I work a full time job outside the house too) so I hear everything you are saying. One thing I have learned over the years is to give myself time outs whenever I need them. Just step away and take the pressure off for just a few minutes and then jump right back in. There have been tons of times when I excuse myself, go into the bathroom (or closet whichever you prefer), shut the door and SILENTLY SCREAM MY HEAD OFF. It makes me laugh and then I'm right back to it. Just remember we ALL go through this. We just have to stick together. Oh yeah, one more thing -- EAT LOTS OF PIZZA WHENEVER YOU CAN. It's a necessity. Good luck and smile!!!
ReplyDeleteAny mom who tells you she never resents her child, or is annoyed by the child, or never feels crabby when her child is crabby is a liar! You aren't alone and you aren't a bad mom. Don't feel guilty. And it gets easier with time. I promise.
ReplyDelete