Dear Jacob

Dear Jacob,
I'm really finding it hard to believe that you are turning a year old.  You have been the best Valentine's Day present I've ever received.  Your birth day is still so vivid in my mind.  I had no idea when I woke up that morning that I would be seeing you later that night.  I knew you were coming soon, but I thought you were still at least a day or two away from arriving.  I was feeling so confident going in to what was my last doctor's appointment of my pregnancy with you.  And then I was so scared when she told me that she couldn't find your heartbeat.  I think that my own heart stopped or skipped a few beats until she found you.  I tried to be brave when she told me that I needed to call your dad, pick up our things at home, and get to the hospital as soon as we could.  But I have to admit that I broke down and cried as I left her office -- but only because I was worried about you.

No one could have prepared me for how I felt as you were born.  When your daddy brought you over to me, all I wanted to do was hold you and snuggle you and rock you.  I cried a lot of happy tears over you.  And the love I have for you is unlike any love I have ever had for anyone else.  When I was finally able to hold you, you nestled yourself so perfectly on my shoulder, burying your head in the crook of my neck.  You were perfect.

You have grown so much in just one year -- and every day you continue to surprise me with something new.  Every milestone is a perfect picture in my mind.  You've gotten so good (almost TOO good) at watching us do something and then copying it in your own little way.  I love to watch you toddle around the house and have you run into my arms.  You make me laugh when you stuff a handful of Puffs into your mouth and then open your mouth in a silly grin.  The way you so purposefully put the lid on your sippy cup and set it on the table after you finish taking a drink is adorable.  But I think the best thing of all is when I see you smile.  It lights up your face.  And no matter how awful my day has been (or how grouchy and fussy you have been), the minute I see that smile, things suddenly get one thousand times better.

I won't lie -- not every day has been sunshine and happiness.  But for every one of those awful days, there have been so many other awesome days.  I know we'll have our rocky times.  You will, at some point, tell me that you hate me.  You will, at some point, slam a door in anger (you seem to have my temper, so I'm pretty sure that will happen -- more than once).  You will, at some point, run away from my hugs and kisses and not want to hold my hand.  And that's okay, because I know you'll come back. 

So Jacob, there are so many things I wish for you on your first birthday.  But above all, I wish for you to know that you are loved.  You are prayed for.  You were hoped for and wished for, and still are today.  You will always be wanted and always be treasured. 

Your mommy loves you.  Your daddy loves you.  We both love you very much.  Happy birthday, sweet boy.

Just over an hour old...

One day old

11 months old

11 months old